Fuck the Golden Arches

It's been a while.  I know.  I'm an asshole.  Whatever, it's my blog and y'all can suck it.  I'm pissed at one of the biggest fast-food franchises in the world.  So sit down, shut the hell up, and join me in collecting them all (all being the heads of the CEOs of this Godless corporation).

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"Fuck the Golden Arches"

My friends are well aware that I have a deep, committed, and extremely unhealthy love with the Pokemon franchise.  If you don't know what this is, then please, do us all a favor, and take your arbitrarily, angry ass, over to Wikipedia: The Best Game Series in the Known Universe

Now then, are we all caught up? 

Good.

Anyways, for those that are still with us:

Fuck McDonalds.  Now, why would an adult get mad over the apparent existence of a large, health destroying, fast-food franchise?  I'm glad you asked.  Recently, McDonalds and the Nintendo company began to release Pokemon themed toys into their Happy Meals.  This was a complete and utter shock to me.  At first notice I got in my truck, hauled ass to the nearest Mickey D's, burst into their little lobby/eatery, walked up to the very slow girl whom was named Shaniquatisha, and politely asked for a six piece McNugget Happy Meal with a green Pokemon toy.  The toy I requested was this one:

I didn't get what I want.  The young lady behind the counter gave me this:

THAT IS NEITHER GREEN NOR LOOKS LIKE THIS:

I later went to the same establishment to try again.  The following is a text I sent to my friend Texter:

"Me: How dare they advertise those adorable Pokemon toys and then deny me the ones I want.  Fuck them.  I went there twice today, not once, but twice.  On my lunch break I drove my uninsured piece of crap truck to save my poor little snivy from the smelly jaws of some pre-adolescent little demon seed.

They gave me zorua.

I was not pleased, but I let it slide.

For the rest of the day all I could think about was going back to get my snivy.  After I got off I went back to that hell hole to get my dear prize and an oshawatt.

I walk in.  I locate a manager.  I ask him if I can buy the specific toys.  He said yes.  I had a picture of an oshawatt on mt phone.  "May I have this one and a green lizard please?"

"Sure, one minute."

I waited with bated breath.

"I'm sorry sir, we only have these three left."

There was a pikachu, a reshiram, and a tepig.

Fuck no.  I drove all this way...twice...to be treated like this?

I looked at my selection.  Then I remembered from my first venture to this place today: a kid took his toy back because he wanted tepig.

I knew What had to be done.

I took tepig.  I took the cutest of the three they had, not because it was on my list to collect, not because I liked the pokemon in the games, but because I knew, somewhere, at some point in the future, a child will want that specific toy.  I want them to know the pain I felt, and still feel, when they realize that they won't be getting the toy they want.  I want them to feel that rush of hope and adrenaline and then, at the pinnacle of their joy, have it all crash down around them when they are denied their dream.

Welcome to the real world you little bastard."

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I know this made little sense to many, but to the few who do understand this massive grievance, I ask of you, what's your take on the matter?

Also, for the record...I still plan to get my toy, no matter how many calories I have to ingest.